dear luna,
i remember meeting you in late 2014, perhaps august or september; but what i make certain in my mind is that since then, you've been here, remaining in some way. whether it is within my mind, or actually speaking with me on my socials, you've always been here. a constant in my life, if not the only thing not changing. i don't know if you're good for me, and you're most likely pondering the same; but i know that i love you. i wonder how you could love me, if you ever truly did, as i was unruly at sixteen, only becoming humbled and balanced out at eighteen, i would say. i hope your new lover is treating you well, my moon, as he's most likely not forsaken your heart as i have. i feel foolish, and so utterly somber, as still i pursue you, as if my loving you has been engrained so deeply into these worn bones of mine. i remember our late night calls, or how my heart felt when you complimented me, as no other words from another has ever moved me the way yours have. i have spent so long learning love, and what it means in full; and with every lesson learned, my heart becomes fuller of you, and just that much more sorrow-wrought. is it wrong to miss you? is it wrong to stare up at you and yearn this deeply? perhaps.. but moving on from you was never within me, as you are likely aware. / i always assumed, i don't know, that we would have kids running around. and i don't know if i would have made a good father figure, but the thought of having a family with you always made my heart swell. it just felt, right? imagining a life with you, nothing specific, but the idea of spending eternity with you made me feel.. whole. / forgive me. i know, in my bones, i have never been worthy of you.
sincerely, harper.

dear naeris,
under co.
sincerely, harper.

dear van,
for years, we spoke of never leaving one another, of abandoning one another within the dark.. but we both know empty words could never hold water. he sexually violated me, and yet still you decided to date him; he sickeningly sought your attention for years, said some disgusting things, yet still are you conceiving his child within you. / do you recall how distraught when i had attempted to take mine own life, those few years ago? how much heart you had, all the tears you shed? or when i had to get that surgery done? how fast you were to come to my aid when i was in pain after? or when i had panic attacks? do you recall when you would comfort me during them because my mind wouldn't stop pondering luna? i remember.. i cannot help but recall those moments. they won't leave me be. they haunt me. you aren't that person anymore, i know that more than anyone; that person wouldn't have done what you have to me. tell me, what do i do with all these memories? with all the sorrow seeping into what once was bathed in sunlight? i want to tear my heart out. what do i lean on now? tell me, one who knows all my secrets, all my weak points, what do i do now? to whom do i speak my mind with? to who will my heart find the solace it found in your hands? / cielings by lizzy reminds me of you, because i had a dream recently of me and you driving through a road at night; and i remember when i was sorrow-wrought, you would kiss my temple dreadfully gently. and there you were, in the driver seat, listening to some soft song that's faint lyrics i could not understand. "but it's not real, and you don't exist; and i can't recall the last time i was kissed." those lyrics are agonizingly relatable, and the feeling, as i had never experienced before, felt as if my own heart was caving in place. i loved you. more than anyone or anything, i loved you so much it felt as if you were heaven sent every time i was near you. please, i sob, hearken, and pray, why wouldn't you stay?
sincerely, harper.

dear penelope,
04. 28. 2016.
sincerely, harper.